The Yamaxanadu
by LucentZinogre
Summary: Based on Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado". An enraged Eiki Shiki has made a decision that threatens to tear apart all of Gensokyo. But as Marisa Kirisame arrives at the epicenter of the chaos, not everything is as it seems...
1. Chapter 1

**This is a Touhou fanfic based off a musical called "The Mikado". I saw the jazz adaptation called Hot Mikado a while ago, and I had an idea: Since it's not actually meant to have anything to do with Japan, a Touhou version of this just HAS to be made.**

**Obviously, this is an AU, and my Touhous may not be your Touhous. Also, this is not indicative of my supported ships.**

**So, enjoy, and write a review if you liked it! ^_^**

—

"But Shiki-sama, that's madness!"

"Komachi, enough is enough! I have HAD it with all you girls always flirting with each other! From now on, anyone caught flirting will be thrown into Hell for eternity– or at least until I decide otherwise! And SHE is going to carry out my order!"

—

It seemed that Eiki Shiki, the Yamaxanadu, had gone off the deep end. She had always been rather sensitive about her flat chest and was convinced it made her unattractive… or at least that was the most likely explanation. You could never really tell. Either way, the fantastical land of Gensokyo was now facing a great danger. With Eiki Shiki's ban on flirting established, it was as if a huge bomb had been planted, just waiting for one small spark to explode into chaos and confusion. And in a certain small town, the bringer of some very large sparks indeed had just swooped into the center of town on a broomstick.

"Awww yeah! Another perfect landing!" exclaimed the blonde witch as she skidded to a stop and jumped off her broom, prompting a few notable bystanders to glance in her direction. "Does anybody know where I can find a certain Reimu Hakurei?"

"Reimu? The red-and-white girl from the shrine?" asked Cirno.

"And who might you be anyway?" added Youmu Konpaku, who had been passing by.

"Me? Well, I happen to be Marisa Kirisame, the magician!" Marisa answered, taking an exaggerated bow with a sweep of her hat.

"Oh! Oh! I remember her!" said Cirno excitedly, giving a little jump. "I beat her in a battle a while ago!"

"You didn't _beat_ her, she went easy on you," Youmu reminded Cirno (_For the I-don't-know-th time,_ she thought) before turning to Marisa. "I think I recognize you now… So then, why are you looking for Reimu?"

Marisa sat down on her broom, and cleared her throat. "Well, lemme explain: Reimu and I have known each other for quite a while; we've crossed paths numerous times– and not always on the same side. But through all that time, I've realized–" here she flung her arms out emphatically– "I'm in love with her! But I've never been able to do anything about it, because she's gonna marry someone else." As Marisa said this, a menacing shadow suddenly fell over the girls, who looked up to see a winged figure with a parasol descending to the ground.

"That she is," said the vampire Remilia Scarlet.

"Oh, it's Bat-girl! It's been a while, hasn't it?" Marisa said with a smile before continuing with no further acknowledgement of Remilia's entrance. "Anyway, I heard Reimu's current bride-to-be is a huge flirt, and since the Yamaxanadu has made flirting punishable by instant banishment to Hell, God knows why– oh wait, only she _does_ know why…!– I came here right away."

"_WELLLLL_," Remilia interjected with her distinct air of superiority, "you will be disappointed, because Reimu's current bride-to-be is Yukari Yakumo herself."

Marisa looked a bit confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Here's the thing. When Eiki Shiki set out that law, she made an unbelievably embarrassing mistake when she put Yukari, the Portal Master, in charge of banishing people. Yes, it makes sense at first, because all she has to do is lift a finger and you're falling through a portal straight to Hell. But Eiki Shiki must have forgotten that Yukari is not only the number-one flirt in Gensokyo, but is also incredibly lazy _on top_ of the fact that Yukari must be banished before any, ahem, lesser flirts can. So, since our Portal Master can't permanently banish herself to Hell, it makes Eiki's law pretty much moot."

"…Okay, first answer me this: Why are you saying this about Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu? Not to mention Yukari?" Marisa asked, laughing a bit. Remilia always thought herself the princess, but this was a bit odd.

"Yukari is the Portal Master, and _I_ am the Everything Else Master. …Nobody else wanted to work under Yukari, due to her laziness. So I stepped up."

_Wow… Eiki Shiki's breast envy must've REALLY driven her mad_, Marisa thought. "So… if Yukari's still around…"

Youmu put a hand on Marisa's shoulder. "Sorry to say, but you're kinda too late. Today's the day we celebrate the wedding of our Portal Master."

"What?! Whaddaya mean, today?"

"Yep! This afternoon, Reimu and Yukari are getting married at the shrine! There's gonna be a big party there and everything, and then they'll go off for their honeymoon…" Cirno said as she drifted happily through the air. Marisa was simply staring in shock as the others continued chatting about the wedding.

"I mean, I always knew there was something between Reimu and Yukari..."

"Have you seen their combo attacks?"

"Is there gonna be cake at the wedding?"

"QUIET, everyone!" shouted Marisa. "Do you mean to tell me I've come all this way just to find out Reimu Hakurei is MARRYING YUKARI YAKUMO?!"

Remilia shrugged. "Yes."

"Aw… crap."

—

**Welp, first chapter done! :D Hope you like it.**

**I do ship Reimu X Yukari, by the way… I think I have an idea for the next chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

"I gotta talk to Reimu about this... Then I'll find Yukari and give her a piece of my mind." Marisa hopped on her broom and zoomed away, just as a purple portal filled with numerous red eyes materialized in the frame of a nearby door, out of which stepped the Portal Master herself, Yukari Yakumo.

"Welcome, Yukari-sama," Remilia said as the others took a bow.

"Haha, what a polite reception... But such formality isn't necessary at this time, don't worry," said Yukari. "Carry on, girls."

Remilia turned to face Yukari once they were alone. "Now, what will we do about this wedding? I presume that, as Portal Master, you would appreciate a degree of lavishness..."

"Normally I'd say so, but remember the wedding will be at the Hakurei Shrine. It would be quite improper to throw an extravagant party there. Especially considering it's my bride-to-be's shrine..."

"In that case, perhaps we should hold the celebration at the Scarlet Devil Mansion instead? The wedding ceremony will take place at the shrine, and the reception will subsequently be at the mansion." Noticing a bit of a puzzled look from Yukari, Remilia added, "You could portal everyone there, or something."

Yukari nodded. "Yes... That may work nicely."

"Well, I suppose this concludes the planning phase. I will have Sakuya tidy up the mansion in preparation for–" Just then, Remilia glanced to the side, where she noticed Sakuya passing by ("Speak of the– ...devil"), accompanied by Sanae and–

"Hey, Portal Master... Reimu's here," Remilia whispered to Yukari, who looked surprised for a split second, but quickly regained her perpetual devious and seductive smile and approached Reimu. Remilia, meanwhile, went to inform Sakuya of the wedding plans.

"Well, look who's here... hello, Reimu..." crooned Yukari as she stroked Reimu's neck.

"Oh, Yukari! Hello..." replied Reimu. "...You're not doing this in front of all these people, are you?" she added, a flicker of exasperation crossing her face.

Yukari stopped awkwardly, blushing a bit. "Do you mind?"

"Well, it's not really a good time or place right now."

"Gyahhh... You're getting married today. Just do it," Remilia said, shooting the two an annoyed look. Yukari awkwardly gave Reimu a kiss on the cheek and withdrew quickly. At that moment, a sudden colorful flash of light made everyone jump.

"I've found you, Reimu! ...And Yukari as well!" Marisa was hovering a short distance above them.

"_Marisa...?!_" Reimu gasped softly.

"Hello there. Do I know you?" asked Yukari as Marisa landed in front of the crowd. Everybody started to answer at once:

"She's the one who always steals books from the library–"

"She's the one who solved the Scarlet Mist Incident–

"She's the magician with the gigantic lasers–"

"Let her tell us herself, okay?" Yukari interjected.

"Thanks. Anyway, _Yukari_, I am Marisa Kirisame, and I have the misfortune to love Reimu despite you!" Marisa proclaimed dramatically.

Yukari laughed. "I agree, she is such a lovely girl... I'm glad such a good judge of character thinks so as well." She did not notice Marisa slap her forehead in exasperation. "Well, I think it's time we parted ways, Marisa. There's so much that has to be done before tonight, after all…" Motioning for Reimu to follow, Yukari pulled the air apart like a curtain to form another portal, through which she stepped and vanished along with the portal itself.

"Pssst! Marisa...!"

"Yeah?"

Reimu led Marisa out of the way and behind a nearby building. "What exactly are you doing here? And why are you so against Yukari?"

"I've tried to find you for so long, and when I finally do, what are _you_ doing? Marrying Yukari!" Marisa responded. "How could you do that?"

"I like her, she likes me, it's a perfect match," said Reimu bluntly.

Marisa was not expecting this. Reimu actually loved Yukari?! "But Reimu...! How can you be so sure she loves you more than anyone else she tries to seduce?"

"Our battle in Hakugyokurou showed us how similar we really were, both of us possessing the power of the Supernatural Border… And we fought together on the night of the Imperishable Night Incident, and our combined power led us to victory…"

"One danmaku battle?! T-that's how you know?!" Tears were streaming down Marisa's face. "And the Imperishable Night Incident?! What about the battle WE had?! Wh-what about all the other battles we had? I-I-I knew you b-before either of us even knew about Yukari!"

"Marisa..."

"D-do you know why my signature Spell Card is called Love Sign: Master Spark?! Do you know why I said 'This attack's for you' that night?! I concentrated all my love, all my feelings for you into that one single attack! This is what these battles mean to me, Reimu! I love you... I c-can't live without you!"

"..."

Reimu slowly put her arm over Marisa's shoulder and pulled her close, looking into her golden eyes... she was crying, too...

Their lips touched.

"I... I love you too, Marisa..."

* * *

...***sniff*… Dear gods in heaven, what have I done ;_;**

**This was supposed to be a silly, cute, nonsensical love story! I don't know **_**why**_** I can't write anything of that sort, without making it a huge romantic drama and/or so emotional I make myself cry! I just started writing the scene where Reimu and Marisa talk to each other in secret after Yukari leaves, and I just **_**couldn't stop!**_

**And I don't even ship Reimu X Marisa! I ship Reimu X Yukari, and I ship Marisa X Alice! What Reimu says about her and Yukari being a perfect match? That's what I think! And IOSYS' Malice trilogy (Marisa Stole The Precious Thing, I've Developed Precious Feelings For Alice, and AliceDere) already charmed/tear-jerked me into shipping Marisa X Alice! I don't want to have self-counteracted all that! I **_**can't**_** have self-counteracted all that! TT****ロ****TT**


End file.
